IMPACT ON MENTAL HEALTH OF WOMEN FACING POLYGAMY

IMPACT ON MENTAL HEALTH OF WOMEN FACING POLYGAMY

Article 10 based on the data published by BMMA in ‘Breaking the Silence’ https://notionpress.com/in/read/breaking-the-silence-1410178808-1410178808 

Physical and mental health are inextricably intertwined. One impacts the other in many significant ways. At the outset of the study we were very sure that we wanted to look at the impact on the women’s mental health. Largely the concerns with regards to polygamy are legal, social and economic which are important and must be looked at. But what gets missed out is the personal impact. What is happening to a wife’s mind and body when she is betrayed and abandoned. The impact is not just socio-economic but also so deeply felt within her consciousness.

As seen in previous articles, the first wife does tend to suffer more and that is proved in case of her mental health as well. 58% of first wives as compared to 35% of second wives experienced sleeplessness. Almost 50% reported increase in anger as compared to 31% of second wives. 48% of first wives experienced anxiety and worry as compared to 24% of second wives. We see such similar figures for sadness and helplessness [36% and 9%] and [29% and 11%] respectively. It is noteworthy that the figures for feeling disrespected and devalued are not too far apart in the first and the second wife. 19% of first wives and 13% of second wives felt disrespected and devalued. And this only a woman can understand. Whether first or second human dignity goes for a toss here. Each feels that the other woman is more important in her husband’s life. It is an interesting point for men to ponder. For a moment each man who is reading this article must close his eyes to connect with his feelings when he imagines his wife to be a wife of some other man as well. What are the feelings? Are they ok with it? Are they jeolous, feeling disrespected, feeling angry, what is happening to their natural normal human ego? What is happening to their body as they experience these emotions?

            Let us look at the figures.

·       Across every mental health indicator, first wives show substantially higher distress levels than second wives.

·       The most severe disparities are seen in depression (36.2% vs 9.1%), sleeplessness (58.3% vs 34.9%), and anxiety (47.9% vs 23.9%), reflecting the psychological trauma of emotional rejection after the husband’s remarriage.

·       Suicidal ideation (8.4%) among first wives is a major concern, highlighting the mental health crisis linked to polygamy.

·       Although second wives also experience stress, their relatively lower rates indicate greater emotional security in early stages of the relationship.

·       Overall, the data underscores that polygamous marriages severely affect women’s mental well-being, with first wives bearing the brunt of emotional, psychological, and social harm.

Mental health issues are much more prevalent among first wives than second wives in almost all categories. Sleeplessness, anger, and anxiety are the most common mental health challenges, affecting over 70% of women overall.

How do wives cope with the stress of being the first or the second wife.

Faith-based coping dominates: A significant portion of women, especially first wives (35.2%), turn to religion and prayer as a primary mental health strategy. This suggests that spirituality provides emotional comfort in the absence of formal mental health support. It is a sad reflection on other social institutions like family and state who fail to provide support which a woman than has to seek from spiritual sources. One is tangible, in the here and now, in the physical world but that is not available to a distressed women. And one that is in the spiritual realm, is unseen and unknown provides succor to women. It is such a sad reality. It shows we have failed as human beings. We are supposed to be there for each other, hold up each other, have each other’s back but eventually the unknown has to pitch in where humans failed.

Social support systems more utilized by first wives; second wives may have weaker family backing, 18% verses 11%.

Low professional intervention: Only 15.6% of first wives and 5.2% of second wives sought counselling or therapy, highlighting limited awareness, access, and acceptance of mental health services. Again we see more first wives seeking intervention.

Medical dependency: Over one-fourth of first wives (26.7%) use medication, reflecting chronic anxiety, depression, or insomnia, often requiring pharmacological support. At 21% second wives are not lagging too far behind as they too start to depend on medication.

High inaction rate: Alarmingly, 34.5% of first wives and 55.5% of second wives did nothing to address their mental distress. This suggests a severe gap in mental health outreach, stigma, and possibly acceptance of suffering as fate.

Use of harmful substances: Though relatively low, 4.9%–6.2% resorting to harmful coping reflects self-destructive behavior arising from unaddressed emotional pain. Slightly higher among second wives — possibly reflecting guilt, insecurity, or coping through harmful means.

The data reveals a major mental health crisis among women in polygamous marriages, with spiritual coping outweighing professional or therapeutic help.
First wives appear more proactive in seeking relief, but both groups face barriers to mental healthcare such as stigma, lack of access, and normalization of emotional suffering.

The findings highlight the urgent need for:

• Culturally sensitive mental health programs targeting polygamous households
• Community-based counselling and awareness, and
• Integration of faith leaders in mental health advocacy to bridge the gap between spirituality and psychological support.

 

WHO SUPPORTS THE HUSBAND FOR POLYGAMY

 

WHO SUPPORTS THE HUSBAND FOR POLYGAMY

Article 7 based on the data published by BMMA in ‘Breaking the Silence’ https://notionpress.com/in/read/breaking-the-silence-1410178808-1410178808 

Marriage is not an individual affair in India. It is a family project where the family probably lands up playing a more important role than the couple itself. In the study we tried to understand the perspective of both, the first and second wife, as to the locus of the support that the husband received.

From the first wife’s perspective, the largest share (36.2%) of women said that their husbands received no support from anyone for the second marriage. This indicates that a significant number of men acted independently, driven by personal motives or desires rather than family or social influence.

However, nearly two-thirds (63.8%) of husbands did receive support, suggesting that social and familial endorsement plays a major role in sustaining polygamy.

Among supporters, the mother’s role is most prominent (22.8%) — showing that maternal influence and possible cultural acceptance within families contribute significantly. Friends (16.3%) also emerge as a major encouraging group — possibly normalizing or even facilitating the second marriage. Fathers and siblings (12.9% each) together form another quarter of supporters, indicating that immediate family often condones or assists in remarriage decisions. Others (25.7%) — may include community members, religious figures, or extended relatives — pointing to broader social reinforcement.

Interestingly, only 2% of first wives said they themselves supported their husband’s second marriage, a very small fraction, possibly driven by social pressure, guilt, or religious obligation.

The data shows that while a segment of men chose polygamy without explicit external support, the majority operated within enabling social structures. Mothers and friends are central figures in this support network, reflecting internalized patriarchal attitudes that justify or even encourage men’s remarriage. The fact that over one-third faced no opposition underscores a lack of accountability and social permissiveness toward men’s decisions to remarry. Overall, the findings suggest that polygamy is not merely an individual choice but often a collectively upheld practice, reinforced by family and community complicity.

From the second wife’s perspective, mothers again emerge as the strongest supporters of their son’s remarriage [44%]. In this case father is not to be left behind. 40% fathers support polygamy of his son. both parents have a strong role to play. Though lesser than in the case of first wife’s perspective, 26% of the husbands acted out of their own volition without any support from anyone. Peer influence has a larger role to play [23%] from the second wife’s perspective. Friends, close cousins play a significant role in encouraging the second marriage. Relatives, community leaders, extended family also approve or atleast do not show disapproval. Polygamy is legitimized and normalized and hence becomes an easy option for men.

The data indicates that second marriages are rarely isolated choices; instead, they are socially endorsed acts, heavily influenced by family elders and peer groups.
This suggests that cultural and familial acceptance of polygamy continues to sustain the practice, even when it may lead to emotional distress for the first wife and complex family dynamics.

It is disheartening to see mother’s playing a significant role in encouraging polygamy. We see mothers of sons and daughters pushing their son or daughter into a second alliance. How deep rooted is patriarchy that polygamy is normalized and internalized by women to such a significant extent.

From a psychological perspective, our beliefs, thoughts, ideologies are already formed by the time we are 10 years of age. They become part of our sub conscious and impact our entire life unless we consciously challenge them. We are driven by our beliefs. They are our default mechanism that determine our daily transactions. They are deeply entrenched and feel very normal and natural. Women through generations have been socialised into believing that men are superior and always in authority. Right from infancy, women see their father, grand father, uncles, brothers wielding unchecked authority. Women take that as normal. A man’s existence, his needs, his authority are to be taken as natural and given. What men do is right is a deeply entrenched belief carried by women through generations. She sees her insubordinate status as a given, natural, to be simply accepted. Her existence, status, support are all tied to her son. She supporting him is equal to she supporting herself. The son-preference in our society has deep roots. It is a bond that goes beyond healthy. It can erase your identity as a woman, as a human being too when you support bride burning for dowry, for instance. She gains her power through her son and whatever works for her son works for her.

All violence against women have been normalized through patriarchal socialization. It works in favour of men but through the agency of women. Women also in the process normalize their own suffering. It is how it has been or how it should be – is the mantra. Compromise, sacrifice, adjust are the instructions she receives as a child. She is secondary, invisible, unimportant and hence what happens to her is also not something that should warrant anyone’s attention.

Women are probably more sensitive to religious cultural conditioning. They are also entrusted with this job and hence feel it is their responsibility to uphold traditions or atleast not challenge them. The conditioning reduces the capacity to question or challenge discriminatory practices. They have been deemed right by religion and if you question that then you are not a good Muslim. That is too much of a burden to carry. It carries social exclusion and even extermination from the community.

So woman supporting polygamy either as a mother or the first or the second wife is an indication of deep, layered and invisible patriarchy. Here women lends up protecting and promoting the very systems that that discriminate against her. She is then no longer a woman but a torch bearer of patriarchy. That is the triumph of patriarchy.

 

POLYGAMY AND TOXIC MASCULINITY

 

POLYGAMY AND TOXIC MASCULINITY

Article 3 based on the data published by BMMA in ‘Breaking the Silence’ https://notionpress.com/in/read/breaking-the-silence-1410178808-1410178808 

This study throws up some interesting data about men, though not very surprising. We wanted to know a bit more about the man who enter into polygamous marriage. We could get the data about the men through the wives whom we interviewed. It would have been interesting to talk to men but that is the limitation of this study that we could not speak to them directly. So all information about the men are through the wives.

Age

A small percentage (9%) were married before the age of 21. But a majority of husbands (59%) were 21–30 years old, a typical age range for first marriages. Only a small proportion were very young, which is less than 21 years or older than 40. Most husbands (74%) were 21–30 years old, reflecting typical age alignment in first marriages. Very few husbands were older than 40 (1%), indicating first marriages mostly involve younger men.

A larger proportion of husbands were older (31–40 years: 46%; above 41: 10%) in second marriages. Only 3% were below 21 years, and 40% were 21–30 years. This suggests second marriages often involve older husbands, possibly due to remarriage after divorce or widowhood.

First marriages involve younger husbands (21–30 years) predominantly. Second marriages involve older husbands (31–40 and above), reflecting age differences and remarriage patterns. This may indicate greater age disparity in second marriages, which could have social and economic implications.

Education

A majority of husbands (60%) have education only up to 10th standard or below. This includes 21% with no schooling and 16% below Std 7th, suggesting widespread limited formal education among men in polygamous marriages.

Around 19% completed Std 10–12, showing some presence of secondary education but not enough to mark higher educational achievement.

Only 16% of men attained undergraduate or higher degrees, indicating that polygamy cuts across lower-education groups predominantly.

The first wives’ husbands are slightly more represented in the “Std 7th–10th” category (25%) compared to second wives’ husbands (21%), implying that first marriages may occur earlier or with slightly better-educated men. The education gap between first and second wives’ husbands is minimal, showing similar socio-educational backgrounds across both marriages.

About 2–3% of women did not know their husband’s education — possibly due to communication gaps or secrecy in marital contexts, especially among second wives.

The data suggests a correlation between low male education levels and polygamous practices. Lower education often links to traditional gender norms, economic instability, and social acceptance of multiple marriages.

Income

A majority of husbands (around 66%) had an income below ₹20,000 per month at the time of marriage. This reflects that polygamous marriages are most prevalent among lower-income groups.

6% (133 men) had income below 1,000 or no income at all — indicating marriages occurring even when men were financially unstable or dependent. Such marriages may rely on family support or informal work, suggesting economic vulnerability at the household level.

Around 34% of the husbands fell in this range 10,000–20,000 showing a slight upward mobility, but still within the lower-middle-class segment. These income levels likely correlate with daily wage, small business, or service sector jobs.

Only 17% of husbands earned ₹20,000 or above, highlighting limited participation of affluent men in polygamous marriages. However, among second wives, a slightly higher proportion (23%) belonged to the ₹20,000+ bracket, suggesting that some better-earning men contract second marriages.

First wives were generally married to men with lower income ranges (5,000–15,000). Second wives show a slightly higher income distribution, particularly in the 20,000–40,000 and above 40,000 categories. This might imply that men remarry after financial improvement or use higher income to justify/afford a second marriage. 17% of women did not know their husband’s income, showing lack of financial transparency, especially in patriarchal setups or marriages with unequal communication and power dynamics.

BMMA’s study has been with women from poor segment of the Muslim society. As we saw in the above data, men in polygamous marriages are also often young, low-income and less educated. What possibly could be the reasons for men to still enter another marriage which in some way also increases their stress and responsibility.

Men who marry young often do not have a choose their partner. His partner is decided by the family. In the Muslim community, in some groups, first-cousin marriages are common. Caste, sect, class considerations also matter. The parents think it is their sole right to decide the marriage partner for their son. As we saw earlier, 59% married between 21-30. In our experience in the communities, we find that a large majority are married before 25 years of age. This age does not warrant financial independence. We saw earlier that 66% earned below 20,000 at the time of their marriage. With lack of emotional maturity, lack of financial resources and not much of education to back up [60% upto 10^th class or below] and neither employable skills, early marriage for men also does no good. Men this young mostly join their father’s business or join family business as runners or side supporter. They learn the tricks of the trade while the family supports him and his wife. This also increases their dependence on the dowry that the wife brings in. Most often the expenses of the wedding are also borne by the girls’ family. Since mostly the choices are imposed by the parents, when the time comes for the husband to take a partner of his choice, he does not hesitate. Since the first one is not of his choice, he also tends to neglect his responsibility towards her. This reflects also a limited exposure to gendered understanding, lack of honest and open communication with parents, lack of exposure to the world outside and hence other possibilities.

Boys in the Muslim communities, as in all other communities, grow up to feel entitled to the privileges that come with being a male species. There is a defiance of sorts where he believes he can do what he wants. Understanding of marriage as a partnership of two people, of love and care, of understanding and adjustments is absent. Instead, is a toxic masculinity that only understands controlling women. She must obey him, look after his parents, obey them as well and generally behave like a glorified servant. Close to 40% men have justified second marriage simply by reiterating the sanction by religion, without knowing the context in which it was sanctioned and with total disregard to the ethical framework of Islam which requires women-men relationships to be governed by love, care, peace and kindness. It is like saying, ‘since I can do it, let me do it’. Not having a law prohibiting second marriage is like an added incentive. It is the inability to see the woman as a human being, as someone who thinks and feels and has an opinion. The understanding that women are sub human and are only meant to follow orders like a robot just makes it easier and guilt free.

Seen from the data that men give more mehr to the second wife, it does not deter them to have a second wife. He also gets less dowry. But still prefers to go ahead with an added responsibility. That is also because the first wife responsibility is washed off his hands. Again data shows first wife starts to depend on her parents for survival. So, it is not that his responsibility is increasing. In fact, he ensures that his one responsibility goes away so that he takes the second one.

Marriage registration is a weak area in our country. There is no accountability. Marriage then becomes a private affair. There is no need to disclose, make it formal and legal. There is also no shame attached to second marriage. In fact, it is like a badge of honour.

There is a need to reach out to men with the objective of inculcating in them a gendered perspective. Can we begin a process where they are able to reject the toxicity attached to being a man? Can we do something to make them more human, more sensitive, more vulnerable? Can we make them see women as human beings, as a thinking and feeling person and not a robot? A big demand but the time has come. Polygamy is not just a religious issue, it is about patriarchy, it is about women’s rights, it is about being human, it is about education and awareness and assertion of a woman’s legal and constitutional rights.