IMPACT ON
CHILDREN OF POLYGAMOUS FAMILIES
Article 11 based on the data published by BMMA in ‘Breaking the Silence’ https://notionpress.com/in/read/breaking-the-silence-1410178808-1410178808
This aspect of the study pushes us into a future scenario. The
children of today are the future society. Polygamy impacts the children and the
future of our society. Polygamy affected children are scared, angry and sad. An
entire generation is raised on these emotions.
Let us look at the table below which shows children’s reaction when
they come to know of their father’s remarriage. These are the children of the
first wife.
· 51.1%
of their children were sad
· 21.9%
of their children were angry
· 15.1%
of their children were scared
· 10.9%
of their children were irregular in school
· 5.8%
of their children had their marks dropped
· 5.2%
stopped going to school
· 5.6%
stopped playing
· 5.6%
of their children were out of their control
· 4.5%
stopped eating
As has been the trend so far in the study, the
second wife tends to suffer slightly less than the first wife. Keeping with
this trend the children of the second wife too suffer less. But it is not at
all a pleasant fact that even one child has to go through what they go through
because of marital conflict. It breaks our heart to see the impact also on the
children of the second wife. Children, irrespective of whether her mother is
the first or second wife of her husband, do not deserve this.
Below
is the data of children of the second wife.
· 19.7%
of their children were sad
· 7.3%
were angry
· 5.4%
were scared
· 2.4%
were out of control
· 2.5%
stopped playing
· 2.6%
irregular in school
· 1.9%
stopped eating
· 1.7%
school marks dropped
· 1.3%
stopped going to school
Whether of the first or of the second wife, children
who grow up with frequent anger, sadness, and fear can carry those emotional
patterns into adulthood in different ways. They could become anxious adults,
always alert, scared of abandonment and conflict. They may overthink, have
trust issues and become people pleasers. Some children shut down emotionally. They
may be distant, numb, disconnected and uncomfortable with intimacy. They may
also become irritable, having anger bursts, have resentment or a passive
aggressive behaviour. Anger becomes their coping and defence mechanism,
underlying which is a range of emotions of sadness, fear, guilt and
helplessness. Children grow up to believe that they are ‘not ok’, that they are
‘not important’. They persistently experience low self-esteem and low self-worth.
They believe strongly that they don’t deserve love, respect and happiness. It
could also be that some children become over achievers, highly responsible,
successful. The initial disconnect with difficult emotions help them cope with
a difficult life and moves them towards successful. But suppressed emotions do
not remain suppressed for long. They emerge as midlife crisis, health scares
and unexplainable reverses in life.
We also see that 35.3% of
husbands live with the second wife and do not meet their children, indicating a
major drop in involvement. Only 18.5% stay with the first
wife and children, maintaining full presence. About 17% meet children sometimes, and 8.2% meet them regularly despite living
with the second wife.
The most obvious long term impact is on the
education. Among first wives, nearly one in five children showed some form of
school disturbance — absenteeism, falling grades, or dropping out — indicating
the long-term psychosocial effects of marital instability on children. This
points to a generational impact of polygamy, where children’s emotional
stability and academic performance are compromised, especially in families
where the first marriage is disrupted.
The findings that 10.9% were irregular in school, 5.8% saw a drop in marks, and 5.2% stopped schooling indicate that
emotional distress has direct academic
consequences. Stress, lack of concentration, and low motivation
reduce their ability to perform, showing how emotional
trauma spills over into cognitive functioning.
With 5.6% of first wife’s children described as “out of control”,
the data suggests a link between family conflict and behavioural problems such as aggression,
irritability, or defiance. These are typical coping mechanisms in children
struggling with emotional neglect and
divided parental attention.
Children who discovered that
their father had remarried often experience confusion,
betrayal, and loss of trust — not only toward the father but
also toward family relationships in general. This early experience of emotional
instability can make them fearful of abandonment
and hesitant to form trusting relationships
later in life.
Children caught between two
family units often experience identity
conflicts — unsure of where they belong or whom to trust. This
weakens parent-child bonding,
particularly with the father, and may lead to resentment,
insecurity, or social withdrawal. In adulthood, such children
may struggle with relationship stability
and emotional regulation.
The majority (54.9%) of second wives’ children
did not face visible issues, possibly because they were younger, unaware of the
previous marriage, or grew up in a more emotionally stable environment.
However, this does not rule out latent
effects, such as confusion
or guilt, once they become aware of the family dynamics.
The data highlights that polygamy deeply impacts children’s psychological
development, particularly those from disrupted first marriages.
The combination of emotional loss,
insecurity, and social confusion can lead to long-term emotional scars, affecting their
confidence, learning, and capacity to form stable relationships.
