IMPACT ON CHILDREN OF POLYGAMOUS FAMILIES

 

IMPACT ON CHILDREN OF POLYGAMOUS FAMILIES

Article 11 based on the data published by BMMA in ‘Breaking the Silence’ https://notionpress.com/in/read/breaking-the-silence-1410178808-1410178808 

This aspect of the study pushes us into a future scenario. The children of today are the future society. Polygamy impacts the children and the future of our society. Polygamy affected children are scared, angry and sad. An entire generation is raised on these emotions.

Let us look at the table below which shows children’s reaction when they come to know of their father’s remarriage. These are the children of the first wife.

·       51.1% of their children were sad

·       21.9% of their children were angry

·       15.1% of their children were scared

·       10.9% of their children were irregular in school

·       5.8% of their children had their marks dropped

·       5.2% stopped going to school

·       5.6% stopped playing

·       5.6% of their children were out of their control

·       4.5% stopped eating

As has been the trend so far in the study, the second wife tends to suffer slightly less than the first wife. Keeping with this trend the children of the second wife too suffer less. But it is not at all a pleasant fact that even one child has to go through what they go through because of marital conflict. It breaks our heart to see the impact also on the children of the second wife. Children, irrespective of whether her mother is the first or second wife of her husband, do not deserve this.

Below is the data of children of the second wife.  

·       19.7% of their children were sad

·       7.3% were angry

·       5.4% were scared

·       2.4% were out of control

·       2.5% stopped playing

·       2.6% irregular in school

·       1.9% stopped eating

·       1.7% school marks dropped

·       1.3% stopped going to school

Whether of the first or of the second wife, children who grow up with frequent anger, sadness, and fear can carry those emotional patterns into adulthood in different ways. They could become anxious adults, always alert, scared of abandonment and conflict. They may overthink, have trust issues and become people pleasers. Some children shut down emotionally. They may be distant, numb, disconnected and uncomfortable with intimacy. They may also become irritable, having anger bursts, have resentment or a passive aggressive behaviour. Anger becomes their coping and defence mechanism, underlying which is a range of emotions of sadness, fear, guilt and helplessness. Children grow up to believe that they are ‘not ok’, that they are ‘not important’. They persistently experience low self-esteem and low self-worth. They believe strongly that they don’t deserve love, respect and happiness. It could also be that some children become over achievers, highly responsible, successful. The initial disconnect with difficult emotions help them cope with a difficult life and moves them towards successful. But suppressed emotions do not remain suppressed for long. They emerge as midlife crisis, health scares and unexplainable reverses in life.

We also see that 35.3% of husbands live with the second wife and do not meet their children, indicating a major drop in involvement. Only 18.5% stay with the first wife and children, maintaining full presence. About 17% meet children sometimes, and 8.2% meet them regularly despite living with the second wife.

The most obvious long term impact is on the education. Among first wives, nearly one in five children showed some form of school disturbance — absenteeism, falling grades, or dropping out — indicating the long-term psychosocial effects of marital instability on children. This points to a generational impact of polygamy, where children’s emotional stability and academic performance are compromised, especially in families where the first marriage is disrupted.

The findings that 10.9% were irregular in school, 5.8% saw a drop in marks, and 5.2% stopped schooling indicate that emotional distress has direct academic consequences. Stress, lack of concentration, and low motivation reduce their ability to perform, showing how emotional trauma spills over into cognitive functioning.

With 5.6% of first wife’s children described as “out of control”, the data suggests a link between family conflict and behavioural problems such as aggression, irritability, or defiance. These are typical coping mechanisms in children struggling with emotional neglect and divided parental attention.

Children who discovered that their father had remarried often experience confusion, betrayal, and loss of trust — not only toward the father but also toward family relationships in general. This early experience of emotional instability can make them fearful of abandonment and hesitant to form trusting relationships later in life.

Children caught between two family units often experience identity conflicts — unsure of where they belong or whom to trust. This weakens parent-child bonding, particularly with the father, and may lead to resentment, insecurity, or social withdrawal. In adulthood, such children may struggle with relationship stability and emotional regulation.

The majority (54.9%) of second wives’ children did not face visible issues, possibly because they were younger, unaware of the previous marriage, or grew up in a more emotionally stable environment. However, this does not rule out latent effects, such as confusion or guilt, once they become aware of the family dynamics.

The data highlights that polygamy deeply impacts children’s psychological development, particularly those from disrupted first marriages. The combination of emotional loss, insecurity, and social confusion can lead to long-term emotional scars, affecting their confidence, learning, and capacity to form stable relationships.

IMPACT ON MENTAL HEALTH OF WOMEN FACING POLYGAMY

IMPACT ON MENTAL HEALTH OF WOMEN FACING POLYGAMY

Article 10 based on the data published by BMMA in ‘Breaking the Silence’ https://notionpress.com/in/read/breaking-the-silence-1410178808-1410178808 

Physical and mental health are inextricably intertwined. One impacts the other in many significant ways. At the outset of the study we were very sure that we wanted to look at the impact on the women’s mental health. Largely the concerns with regards to polygamy are legal, social and economic which are important and must be looked at. But what gets missed out is the personal impact. What is happening to a wife’s mind and body when she is betrayed and abandoned. The impact is not just socio-economic but also so deeply felt within her consciousness.

As seen in previous articles, the first wife does tend to suffer more and that is proved in case of her mental health as well. 58% of first wives as compared to 35% of second wives experienced sleeplessness. Almost 50% reported increase in anger as compared to 31% of second wives. 48% of first wives experienced anxiety and worry as compared to 24% of second wives. We see such similar figures for sadness and helplessness [36% and 9%] and [29% and 11%] respectively. It is noteworthy that the figures for feeling disrespected and devalued are not too far apart in the first and the second wife. 19% of first wives and 13% of second wives felt disrespected and devalued. And this only a woman can understand. Whether first or second human dignity goes for a toss here. Each feels that the other woman is more important in her husband’s life. It is an interesting point for men to ponder. For a moment each man who is reading this article must close his eyes to connect with his feelings when he imagines his wife to be a wife of some other man as well. What are the feelings? Are they ok with it? Are they jeolous, feeling disrespected, feeling angry, what is happening to their natural normal human ego? What is happening to their body as they experience these emotions?

            Let us look at the figures.

·       Across every mental health indicator, first wives show substantially higher distress levels than second wives.

·       The most severe disparities are seen in depression (36.2% vs 9.1%), sleeplessness (58.3% vs 34.9%), and anxiety (47.9% vs 23.9%), reflecting the psychological trauma of emotional rejection after the husband’s remarriage.

·       Suicidal ideation (8.4%) among first wives is a major concern, highlighting the mental health crisis linked to polygamy.

·       Although second wives also experience stress, their relatively lower rates indicate greater emotional security in early stages of the relationship.

·       Overall, the data underscores that polygamous marriages severely affect women’s mental well-being, with first wives bearing the brunt of emotional, psychological, and social harm.

Mental health issues are much more prevalent among first wives than second wives in almost all categories. Sleeplessness, anger, and anxiety are the most common mental health challenges, affecting over 70% of women overall.

How do wives cope with the stress of being the first or the second wife.

Faith-based coping dominates: A significant portion of women, especially first wives (35.2%), turn to religion and prayer as a primary mental health strategy. This suggests that spirituality provides emotional comfort in the absence of formal mental health support. It is a sad reflection on other social institutions like family and state who fail to provide support which a woman than has to seek from spiritual sources. One is tangible, in the here and now, in the physical world but that is not available to a distressed women. And one that is in the spiritual realm, is unseen and unknown provides succor to women. It is such a sad reality. It shows we have failed as human beings. We are supposed to be there for each other, hold up each other, have each other’s back but eventually the unknown has to pitch in where humans failed.

Social support systems more utilized by first wives; second wives may have weaker family backing, 18% verses 11%.

Low professional intervention: Only 15.6% of first wives and 5.2% of second wives sought counselling or therapy, highlighting limited awareness, access, and acceptance of mental health services. Again we see more first wives seeking intervention.

Medical dependency: Over one-fourth of first wives (26.7%) use medication, reflecting chronic anxiety, depression, or insomnia, often requiring pharmacological support. At 21% second wives are not lagging too far behind as they too start to depend on medication.

High inaction rate: Alarmingly, 34.5% of first wives and 55.5% of second wives did nothing to address their mental distress. This suggests a severe gap in mental health outreach, stigma, and possibly acceptance of suffering as fate.

Use of harmful substances: Though relatively low, 4.9%–6.2% resorting to harmful coping reflects self-destructive behavior arising from unaddressed emotional pain. Slightly higher among second wives — possibly reflecting guilt, insecurity, or coping through harmful means.

The data reveals a major mental health crisis among women in polygamous marriages, with spiritual coping outweighing professional or therapeutic help.
First wives appear more proactive in seeking relief, but both groups face barriers to mental healthcare such as stigma, lack of access, and normalization of emotional suffering.

The findings highlight the urgent need for:

• Culturally sensitive mental health programs targeting polygamous households
• Community-based counselling and awareness, and
• Integration of faith leaders in mental health advocacy to bridge the gap between spirituality and psychological support.

 

IMPACT ON THE PHYSICAL HEALTH OF WOMEN IN POLYGAMOUS MARRIAGE

 

IMPACT ON THE PHYSICAL HEALTH OF WOMEN IN POLYGAMOUS MARRIAGE 

Article 9 based on the data published by BMMA in ‘Breaking the Silence’ https://notionpress.com/in/read/breaking-the-silence-1410178808-1410178808 

Let’s look at the impact on the physical health of the first wife. She starts to suffer from blood pressure [40%], loss of sleep [45%], migraine [34%], body pain [27%] and joint pains [21%], menstrual issues [15%]. Although for more clarity there is a separate article to assess mental health impact, just the physical impact is overwhelming. Most of these ailments require regular medication and doctor visits. The ailments do not give her enough bandwidth to take up and job and earn, to look after small children and manage all the stress. All the above ailments are debilitating, giving very limited physical strength to go on with life. We all know what happens to us when we have not slept well or when migraine hits us or when there is a nagging, chronic body ache. All this because a man thinks it is his right to marry more than one woman.

The data reveals a significant disparity in physical health outcomes between first and second wives, indicating that the emotional and social consequences of polygamy translate into tangible health impacts, especially for the first wife.

• First wives are consistently more affected across every health indicator, suggesting that emotional distress, insecurity, and neglect following the husband’s second marriage have direct physiological consequences.
• The high rates of hypertension (35.9%) and sleep loss (45.3%) strongly imply psychosomatic stress linked to marital strain.
• In contrast, second wives report comparatively better health, likely due to greater attention, emotional validation, and social status during the early years of their marriage.
• The gap in reported “no health issues” (20% vs 51%) highlights a stark contrast in overall well-being.

Polygamous marriage exerts a disproportionate toll on the physical health of first wives, reflecting how emotional deprivation and competition translate into chronic illness. The findings indicate that polygamy not only destabilizes marital harmony but also undermines women’s physical well-being, creating a cycle of stress, illness, and medical dependency. The gap is compelling. 12 % of first wife compared to 5% of second wife have diabetes. Almost 15% of first wife compared to 8% of second wife have menstrual issues. 27% of first wife compared to 9% of second have body aches and pains. The numbers clearly indicate that the first wife suffers more.

When we checked with the action that women take to look after themselves. A large portion of women [32%]. Almost equally high (31.9%) visited government or charitable health centres, showing reliance on affordable care. 17.8% could not afford treatment, highlighting economic barriers. 16.8% used home remedies, and 14.9% engaged in physical activity to manage stress, indicating informal/self-care methods are common. Only 2.1% reported doing regular exercise, suggesting low preventive health behavior. 10% did not face any health issues, possibly due to youth, lifestyle, or underreporting. Overall, the data suggests that economic factors, access to care, and self-managed solutions play a major role in how individuals deal with health, while preventive behaviors like exercise remain minimal.

The shock and humiliation of the second marriage has an immediate physical impact. The body goes into a shock followed by the pain of being betrayed. Anger is predominant, fear is inevitable and a long term experience of these emotions can have long standing damage on the body. Constant headaches, sleep disturbances, fatigue, body aches, joint pains then feed into more stress and the loop continues. The body keeps accumulating the pain which keeps getting added as more stress and crisis unfold. Many years of single handedly shouldering the responsibilities of raising children, managing home and finances takes it’s toll on the body with entrenched long term chronic illnesses.

If the second marriage has happened after a long gap then the second wife is also much younger and hence less ailments. She is also not yet burdened with marriage conflicts, child birth and other related stressors. First wife being already older may have already been experiencing various ailments.

Physical ailments begin with the mind anyway. Because she suffers emotionally, her body stores all the mental aches and pains. Feeling replaced, unimportant and dispensable affects her self-worth and dignity and that has a huge impact on her body.

It is not to say that the second wives do not suffer at all. The numbers do show that she too suffers. But a large part of the impact is definitely on the first wife.

 

IMPACT OF POLYGAMY ON RELATIONSHIP

 

IMPACT OF POLYGAMY ON RELATIONSHIP

Article 8 based on the data published by BMMA in ‘Breaking the Silence’ https://notionpress.com/in/read/breaking-the-silence-1410178808-1410178808 

We looked at the impact which the first wives felt on their relationship. 54% of the husbands stopped living with their wives. This indicates severe marital breakdown where more than half of husbands are physically and emotionally absent in the relationship after the second marriage. They are just not there. When a person is not around physically what can a woman do? She is then forced to manage her life and the lives of the children. She just does not have any choice.

28% spend less time with their first wife. It reflects partial breakdown, emotional neglect and reduced companionship. A couple in a marital relationship are suppose to be there for each other. There is no room for one more relationship. And if that happens the neglect begins. The time is divided and so is the attention. There is one more person who has an equal right over the husband’s time. The first wife did not bargain for this. Reduction in time spent also conveys that she is not important to him anymore.

25% reported increased fights between them. It suggests heightened conflict, insecurity and emotional strain. With husband not staying with the first wife or spending less time with her also indicates more friction and conflict. The increased fights impact her mental and physical health. It also must be impacting the husband’s mental and physical health but then it is of his own doing. Obviously, children are not spared. 20% of the husband neglected the children. It points to broader family impact, the husband’s divided attention affected parenting and children’s well-being. A child’s trajectory in life is highly influenced by its parent’s life. And the damage can be long lasting.

Wives Economic Dependency

First wives tend to face greater financial vulnerability after their husband’s second marriage. A large proportion, 40%, rely on their parents, and only 19% continue to receive maintenance from their husbands. About 34% were compelled to start working, indicating a shift toward economic self-reliance driven by necessity rather than choice. A small fraction (11%) depends on community aid from jamaat or masjid, underscoring a lack of formal support systems.

Second wives, on the other hand, are generally more financially supported by their husbands, 63.3% receive maintenance from them. Around 34.1% are employed, showing a similar participation in work as first wives but likely with more stability. Only 3.9% report having no source of maintenance, much lower than first wives.

Overall, the figures reveal that first wives experience a significant economic setback after polygamy, often becoming dependent or entering the workforce out of compulsion, while second wives tend to receive more consistent financial support from their husbands. This pattern points to an unequal distribution of resources and responsibilities between the two marriages.

Monthly Maintenance by the Husband  

The data shows that financial neglect is widespread among both first and second wives, but the burden falls more heavily on first wives. 40% of women (1,011 total) receive no maintenance at all, with first wives forming the majority (793). 23% say their husbands buy household items instead of giving cash — a form of control that limits women’s financial autonomy.

Only 32% receive regular cash maintenance, and within this group, most receive very small amounts: 5% below ₹2,000/month, 4% between ₹2,000–₹4,000 and only 6% receive more than ₹10,000/month. Second wives are more likely to receive moderate to higher levels of maintenance, while first wives dominate the “no maintenance” category.

The findings reflect deep economic inequality between first and second wives and show that a large proportion of women—especially first wives—lack consistent financial support, underscoring systemic neglect and dependence within polygamous marital arrangements.

Maintenance of Children  

Among the 1,419 first wives surveyed, nearly half (45%) reported that their husbands did not provide maintenance for their children after the second marriage. This data indicates that a substantial number of men discontinue financial responsibility toward children from their first marriage once they remarry. The lack of maintenance not only deepens the economic insecurity of the first wife but also affects the well-being and stability of the children, highlighting a critical gap in accountability and social support mechanisms for first families in polygamous contexts.

When wives do not receive maintenance from the husband for themselves or their children, the impact is often deep, long-lasting, and affects nearly every aspect of life. The consequences are not only economic, but also emotional, social, physical, and psychological.

A woman’s economic insecurity increases. She begins to struggle for basic needs like food, rent, medicines, school expenses, bills etc. Since husbands also stop living with their first wife [54%], she is forced to take up immediate work, borrow from family or sell or mortgage jewellery. The children shift to a cheaper school or drop out and join the work force at a tender age. The girls could be married off early and boys join the labour force. There could be a sudden drop in the economic status. It is worthwhile to remember that respondents in this study, when they got married, were economically, educationally and age wise already very vulnerable. Added to this vulnerability is this economic abandonment by the husband.  Women who were financially dependent on the husband may suddenly face extreme poverty.

Constant financial stress leads to anxiety, helplessness, vulnerability and extreme fear about the current and future situations. There is loss of dignity having to ask for money and facing probable humiliation and loss of face.

To tide over the financial crisis, women land up skipping meals, delay their medical treatment and focus on feeding the children and thus get reduced to a survival mode. She suddenly becomes the only source of sustenance for herself and the children. Every responsibility suddenly falls on her and she is not even prepared for it. Searching for work for which she is suited and skilled can be cumbersome along with taking care of self, family and especially children. Working suddenly may take her time away from social and family events. She may be forced to continue in an abusive marriage because she has no option. Whatever little she might get from her husband is all that she gets. She may also not be in a position to file police complaint or file a case in the court. This would require long term financial inputs which she being in a survival mode cannot afford. Lack of money is not just impacting her current financial status but creates intergenerational poverty from which generations might suffer.

It is truly sad how two families suffer generationally. 29% (312 women) said their husband abandoned them and went back to the first wife. Nearly one in three second wives report being abandoned by their husband, who returned to his first marriage. This indicates that second marriages often lack long-term stability and security for women. While most second wives (71%) continue in the relationship, a significant 29% experience abandonment—leaving them vulnerable both emotionally and economically, especially since many lack legal protection or consistent maintenance. The convenience is only of the husband here. Wherever and whenever he finds it convenient, he moves to that family. He has all the choices.

 

 

WHO SUPPORTS THE HUSBAND FOR POLYGAMY

 

WHO SUPPORTS THE HUSBAND FOR POLYGAMY

Article 7 based on the data published by BMMA in ‘Breaking the Silence’ https://notionpress.com/in/read/breaking-the-silence-1410178808-1410178808 

Marriage is not an individual affair in India. It is a family project where the family probably lands up playing a more important role than the couple itself. In the study we tried to understand the perspective of both, the first and second wife, as to the locus of the support that the husband received.

From the first wife’s perspective, the largest share (36.2%) of women said that their husbands received no support from anyone for the second marriage. This indicates that a significant number of men acted independently, driven by personal motives or desires rather than family or social influence.

However, nearly two-thirds (63.8%) of husbands did receive support, suggesting that social and familial endorsement plays a major role in sustaining polygamy.

Among supporters, the mother’s role is most prominent (22.8%) — showing that maternal influence and possible cultural acceptance within families contribute significantly. Friends (16.3%) also emerge as a major encouraging group — possibly normalizing or even facilitating the second marriage. Fathers and siblings (12.9% each) together form another quarter of supporters, indicating that immediate family often condones or assists in remarriage decisions. Others (25.7%) — may include community members, religious figures, or extended relatives — pointing to broader social reinforcement.

Interestingly, only 2% of first wives said they themselves supported their husband’s second marriage, a very small fraction, possibly driven by social pressure, guilt, or religious obligation.

The data shows that while a segment of men chose polygamy without explicit external support, the majority operated within enabling social structures. Mothers and friends are central figures in this support network, reflecting internalized patriarchal attitudes that justify or even encourage men’s remarriage. The fact that over one-third faced no opposition underscores a lack of accountability and social permissiveness toward men’s decisions to remarry. Overall, the findings suggest that polygamy is not merely an individual choice but often a collectively upheld practice, reinforced by family and community complicity.

From the second wife’s perspective, mothers again emerge as the strongest supporters of their son’s remarriage [44%]. In this case father is not to be left behind. 40% fathers support polygamy of his son. both parents have a strong role to play. Though lesser than in the case of first wife’s perspective, 26% of the husbands acted out of their own volition without any support from anyone. Peer influence has a larger role to play [23%] from the second wife’s perspective. Friends, close cousins play a significant role in encouraging the second marriage. Relatives, community leaders, extended family also approve or atleast do not show disapproval. Polygamy is legitimized and normalized and hence becomes an easy option for men.

The data indicates that second marriages are rarely isolated choices; instead, they are socially endorsed acts, heavily influenced by family elders and peer groups.
This suggests that cultural and familial acceptance of polygamy continues to sustain the practice, even when it may lead to emotional distress for the first wife and complex family dynamics.

It is disheartening to see mother’s playing a significant role in encouraging polygamy. We see mothers of sons and daughters pushing their son or daughter into a second alliance. How deep rooted is patriarchy that polygamy is normalized and internalized by women to such a significant extent.

From a psychological perspective, our beliefs, thoughts, ideologies are already formed by the time we are 10 years of age. They become part of our sub conscious and impact our entire life unless we consciously challenge them. We are driven by our beliefs. They are our default mechanism that determine our daily transactions. They are deeply entrenched and feel very normal and natural. Women through generations have been socialised into believing that men are superior and always in authority. Right from infancy, women see their father, grand father, uncles, brothers wielding unchecked authority. Women take that as normal. A man’s existence, his needs, his authority are to be taken as natural and given. What men do is right is a deeply entrenched belief carried by women through generations. She sees her insubordinate status as a given, natural, to be simply accepted. Her existence, status, support are all tied to her son. She supporting him is equal to she supporting herself. The son-preference in our society has deep roots. It is a bond that goes beyond healthy. It can erase your identity as a woman, as a human being too when you support bride burning for dowry, for instance. She gains her power through her son and whatever works for her son works for her.

All violence against women have been normalized through patriarchal socialization. It works in favour of men but through the agency of women. Women also in the process normalize their own suffering. It is how it has been or how it should be – is the mantra. Compromise, sacrifice, adjust are the instructions she receives as a child. She is secondary, invisible, unimportant and hence what happens to her is also not something that should warrant anyone’s attention.

Women are probably more sensitive to religious cultural conditioning. They are also entrusted with this job and hence feel it is their responsibility to uphold traditions or atleast not challenge them. The conditioning reduces the capacity to question or challenge discriminatory practices. They have been deemed right by religion and if you question that then you are not a good Muslim. That is too much of a burden to carry. It carries social exclusion and even extermination from the community.

So woman supporting polygamy either as a mother or the first or the second wife is an indication of deep, layered and invisible patriarchy. Here women lends up protecting and promoting the very systems that that discriminate against her. She is then no longer a woman but a torch bearer of patriarchy. That is the triumph of patriarchy.

 

LOVE AND RELIGION - REASONS GIVEN FOR POLYGAMY

 

LOVE AND RELIGION - REASONS GIVEN FOR POLYGAMY  

Article 6 based on the data published by BMMA in ‘Breaking the Silence’ https://notionpress.com/in/read/breaking-the-silence-1410178808-1410178808 

A quick look at the percentages show that 6% of wives unaware of the remarriage reflects lack of transparency and possible emotional or physical separation even before the second marriage occurred.

31% said they loved someone else. Which confirms our earlier analysis that the first marriage was not based on love but may be force of the parents and their decision. We also saw earlier that 26% married within the first 3 years of marriage indicating that the moment opportunity came he remarried the person whom he loved in the first place. And they also tell this to their first wife. One can imagine as a woman being told by the husband that he does not love her.

The second highest reason was the religious sanction at 30%. Whether the marriage happened within the first or the tenth year of marriage, religion becomes the foremost important reason after love for the second marriage to happen. Religious justification is given to both the wives.

The third highest reason but way down to 17% is not even a reason. The first wife has no idea why he remarried. No reasons given. Just the news that he has remarried. She keeps wondering what could it be. This reflects secrecy, lack of communication and total disregard for the first wife’s emotions. The rest of the life is spent in just ruminating what could be the reason.

At 15% there is a reverse that he does not love her. He may not be in love with someone else but he does not love her. So the second marriage could happen because of reasons other than love. These form 15% of the responses including all those reasons which we keep hearing but they are not on the top of the list of reasons. That wife could not conceive, that he wanted financial benefits out of second marriage, that he wanted a son, that wife was unwell. But the top of the heap is love and religion.

The data highlights emotional, religious, and patriarchal justifications behind men’s re-marriages. Many husbands rationalized their actions through religious or social norms, often side-lining emotional accountability.

Some years back triple divorce played an important role in helping men to assert their authority in a marriage. He held the power to unilaterally terminate the marriage in 3 seconds flat. It was tool for manipulation, control and to keep women under his control for fear of being divorced. Threat of instant divorce kept women under his authority and he could make her do whatever he wanted. With triple divorce made illegal, polygamy now plays that role. Husband asserts his power through the threat of remarriage. It becomes a way to discipline or threaten the first wife. Lack of legislation in this area also encourages the men. If he remarries, he is not doing anything illegal or unIslamic.

Let us now see what husbands tell the second wife about his reasons for marrying her. Love and then religion crop up again at 43% and 40%

The dominant reasons given to the second wife were:

“He loved her” (43%), suggesting that emotional or romantic justification was the most common explanation. “Religion allows four wives” (39.7%), again showing that religious sanction is used as a legitimizing tool for remarriage. Together, these two reasons alone account for over 80% of responses.

12–15% of men justified remarriage by discrediting the first wife by saying that he did not love her (14.8%), that she is ill-mannered (11.5%), that she could not conceive (12.9%) or that she could not bear sons (4.2%). These collectively reflect patriarchal blame-shifting, where the first wife is portrayed as the cause. The data also reflects gendered power imbalance — men control the narrative, often invoking love, religion, or the first wife’s faults to rationalize remarriage.

12.8% of second wives reported that the man lied about being divorced, and 17.3% of first wives said they did not know the reason at all, showing dishonesty and manipulation in both relationships.

Arranged marriages by parents were mentioned by 13.8% of first wives and 19.7% of second wives, implying that family involvement sustains and normalizes polygamous practices.

Work-related reasons (“staying far away for work”) appeared more often among second wives (12.6%) than first (8%), perhaps used as a socially acceptable excuse for taking another wife.

Husbands tailor their justifications depending on the audience. To the first wife: reasons that distance or dismiss her — emotional detachment, religion, or her inadequacy. To the second wife: reasons that attract or reassure her — love, religion, or sympathy toward the husband’s situation. The data exposes a dual communication strategy rooted in patriarchal privilege, where men control both narratives to maintain power and legitimacy. The consistent invocation of religion and reproduction reveals how social and cultural norms are instrumentalized to rationalize polygamy. Emotional manipulation (love), moral justification (religion), and social conditioning (infertility, arranged setups) together form the triad of rationalizations used by men to remarry.