WHAT DO MUSLIM WOMEN WANT VIS-À-VIS POLYGAMY

 

WHAT DO MUSLIM WOMEN WANT VIS-À-VIS POLYGAMY

Dr. Noorjehan Safia Niaz

 

In the report published by BMMA, ‘Status of Women in Polygamous Marriage and the Need for Legal Protection’, Muslim women have in their own words given a piece of advice to Muslim men, to religious groups and to the larger community. One of the respondents in the study says, a woman gives her whole life to her husband but husband does not respect her. A woman lives with this fear all the time that her husband may leave her and that she has no control over him. Men give the example of the Prophet and they think they know everything about Islam. But their behavior betrays their ignorance about their own religion. Change is part of the society then why is change not possible for women? Why is she still subjected to archaic traditions and laws which harm not just a woman but entire families and consequently the community and nation.

 

If men are not able to take care of a woman then why do they need so many wives? This is the refrain of most of the women. Women don’t land up marrying as soon as her husband leaves her. Does she not have her needs or is it that only men have needs and they need to be fulfilled at the first go. Men only misuse polygamy and cheat women. There is no need for polygamy in today’s situation. A husband is not able to take responsibility of one wife and children. Then where is the need for another wife and take on a burden which they cannot handle. How can one neglect ones wife and children who are loving you and are dependent on you? How can she be forced to share her life with some one? A lot of duties are assigned to men in Islam. But they are not ready to fulfil it. They use polygamy and ignore and harass the children. This is the worst of practice. It is against Islam. Men should marry once and not destroy women’s life. They should have one wife and take care of the family properly. They are asking Muslim men to read the Quran and try to understand what it is trying to say about polygamy.

 

Mei musalmano mardo se kehna chati hoo ki kisiki majbori ka fayda mat utho apne paiso ke bal per. Un garib logo ke bacho ko padhao aur insaan banao. ‘I would like to tell Muslim men that they should not take advantage of someone’s helplessness just because they have money. Educate the children of the poor and help them turn into decent humans’.

 

Women ask Muslim men to not cheat their wives. One woman whose husband wanted an educated wife and she was not, says, if he wanted an educated wife then he should have married an educated wife. Why cheat her? To sum up, the relationship between men and women appears at an all-time low when one victim says, ‘Never to trust men. They can change anytime!’

 

In Tamil Nadu the women shared that the Jamaats, group of men who believe they know religion better than others, also justify polygamy. They say both women can stay together and while saying this they completely ignore the personal feelings of both women. They support polygamy and destroy the peace of the family. Such Jamaats must put some conditions on men. They must verify all claims and have all relevant documents of the men with them. Muslim women cannot go to the court or police station always. She requests Jamaat leaders to lead the society as per Quran and ensure justice. In istema, waz, kutba [religious congregations and announcements] the religious leaders must give right advice regarding marriage and divorce. They should not give space for men to desert their wife and children.

 

Main kahna chahti hoon ki mere shauhar ko sazaa milni chahiye.’ ‘I want to say that my husband should be punished.’ Overwhelmingly the women want the state to intervene. It is the state’s responsibility to reform the law as per the Quranic rights of women and to stop violence against them. If the leaders do not listen to women, where is the space for women to voice her concerns? The police also tell the woman to go to the Jamaat for any marital dispute but the Jamaat does not listen to the woman.

 

Muslim women say, ‘polygamy should be banned so that lives of women like me and the lives of our children are not spoiled.’ They want the government to put a stop to this practice. There should be a law for monogamy. If he remarries then he should be punished because a woman’s entire life is in trouble. There must be strict laws regarding second marriage. Each woman must get her rights and it is the responsibility of the government.

 

One woman says, ‘What happened with me was wrong. There should be restriction on it. Otherwise women will loose trust over the institution of marriage. Polygamy must be abolished. Not just the husband but whoever is making him do this marriage, must also be punished’. The government must monitor the system and reform laws to save women and children suffering from polygamy.

 

To the larger Muslim community, the respondents of the Study say, women should be given space to express her feelings and her concerns about her future life. Nobody really cares for her. She needs to be given confidence by the society, by the community. She needs to be empowered. If the husband wants to remarry then he must compensate the woman. Where will she go? We are so far away from the court and the government. We need to change ourselves.

Muslim community needs to understand a woman’s soul. Only when they feel her problem, then only the community, government and everyone will come forward to change.

 

Is the community ready to listen to our voice? All suggestions are for women but nobody says anything to the men. This attitude of the community is the problem. We need law but who respects that? What men do becomes a law. Our community elders need to think this, we need strict rules – but are they ready to change?

 

Women in Tamil Nadu say that the larger community must intervene and tell the Jamaat to work in the favour of victims. Muslim community must follow the Quran and legal rights of women to avoid this situation of first wife and children in the name of polygamy. The community must share information about Quranic rights with women and take steps to reform the law in favour of women. They must not harass the women in the name of polygamy.

‘I request the government and the community that each girl should get her rights.’

 See the full report:

https://notionpress.com/read/status-of-women-in-polygamous-marriages-and-need-for-legal-protection

 

 

 

 

SOCIO-ECONOMIC STATUS OF WOMEN IN POLYGAMY

 

SOCIO-ECONOMIC STATUS OF WOMEN IN POLYGAMY

Dr. Noorjehan Safia Niaz

 

A lot of justification is given by the advocates of polygamy that if the second marriage remains legal then the first wife still continues to have and retain all her financial rights. Both wives get the benefit of being financially supported by the husband. But lived reality of women, especially from the lower socio-economic strata turned worse after the husband remarried. There is no hidden psychology or some fantastic economic theory. It means that the husband acts irresponsibly and simply stops supporting his first wife and children. Simply stops. And given how expensive and lethargic our judicial system is, no women dares to approach the court for economic sustenance. A large swathe of poor women simply work even more harder to survive with now additional responsibility of the children.

 

Let’s look at some case studies highlighted in BMMA’s ‘Status of Women in Polygamous Marriage and the Need for Legal Protection’, published in December 2022 by Notion Press.

 

In Karnataka two women were above the age of 60 and for many years they had struggled after their husbands married another woman and abandoned them. They have grown up children now. For instance Maktumbee, age 62, had 3 children – 2 daughters and 1 son. They were all married and they lived separately with their families.

 

Kamrun bi, 65, worked as a house cleaner. She had one daughter who died after her marriage. Her husband had HIV and her daughter also had HIV. So her daughter, her husband and their daughter all died. She had another daughter who lived with Kamrunbi. The rest of the women are all within the age of 46. Zarina from Mumbai is youngest. She is 23 years of age.

 

All of them had children to manage. Roshan from Karnataka had 2 children. Her daughter, 17, was studying in class 12 and son, 20, was working in a mobile shop. Ayesha from Mumbai had 4 sons. Saira in Mumbai and Maimoona Khatoon from Odisha had one child each. Naazmabanu from Odisha has 3 children.

 

Noorjehan Shaikh from Mumbai belonged to a poor family. Father was unemployed and mother worked as a domestic help. She had 3 sisters and 2 brothers. She was uneducated and because she was the eldest she had to look after her younger siblings. She also started working as a domestic help. Saira from Mumbai is from Gonda District of UP. They were 4 sisters and one brother. Parents were very poor. Saira studied only till class 7. She was married to Yusuf at the age of 14. Yusuf was 18 years of age. Arzoo from MP has three sisters. Her father worked as a labourer.

 

Roshan’s husband worked in a mechanic shop. Yusuf, Saira’s husband worked in a hair salon and earned well. Noorjehan from Mumbai and Rubina from MP are uneducated and Noorjehan worked as a domestic help. Rabiya from MP also worked as a domestic worker and earned Rs. 1200. She studied till 8th class. Maimoona from Odisha also was a domestic help studied only till class 3. Zarina from MP, the youngest in the profile studied till 10th class and did not have any source of income. Aarzoo from MP also studied till 10th and earned 1500/ by doing basic stitching work. Nazma Banu from Odisha studied till the 7th class. She is a widow now and has 3 children.

 

Let us look at some numbers to understand the gravity of the situation. Most of them have been married young mostly below the age of 18. Rubina from MP was married at the age of 16, Saira from Mumbai at the age of 14. 29% girls [ who are 1st wives] and 18% [ who are 2nd wives] were married below the age of 18. Combined figures show that 47% were not even 18 before they got married.

 

71% second wives were dropout below class 10, 20% illiterate, 4% graduate and 77% first wives were dropout below class 10, 11% up to class 10, 7% graduate, 1% PG. Even we take just the first figures without combining any numbers, 71-77% were below class 10.

 

42% first wives had no income at all; 40% had an income of below Rs 1000. Here if we combine then 82% had barely any money to survive. Same goes with the second wife. 45% second wives had no income at all; 34% had an income of below Rs 1000. Combined figures show that 79% bared managed.

 

Giving credit where it is due, 40% of the husbands provide first wife’s monthly maintenance, but 47% do not provide monthly maintenance and 13% husbands provide monthly maintenance irregularly. If we put the figures together then 60% of the women find themselves in a financially bleaker situation than they were before the husband remarried. This is also validated from the fact that 44% of women started working after the husband remarried.

 

Let us the see the housing status. A big number, 41% moved to their parent’s house, 14% lived on their own in a rented house and 10% lived in a new house provided by their husband. If we put the numbers together then 65% were displaced from their homes after the husband remarried.

 

TO SUM UP

 

47% were married below the age of 18, 77% had not even cleared their SSC, 82% of first wives and 79% of second wives barely survive with meagre or no income,  60% of first wives become financially weaker after husband’s remarriage and 65% were displaced from their homes. Moreover 45% women said they are tolerating the second marriage because they have no other option and they are concerned about their children.

 

The claim that polygamy is financially better for the wives than monogamy are living in a liar’s paradise.

 

See the full report:

https://notionpress.com/read/status-of-women-in-polygamous-marriages-and-need-for-legal-protection