IMPACT OF POLYGAMY ON RELATIONSHIP

 

IMPACT OF POLYGAMY ON RELATIONSHIP

Article 8 based on the data published by BMMA in ‘Breaking the Silence’ https://notionpress.com/in/read/breaking-the-silence-1410178808-1410178808 

We looked at the impact which the first wives felt on their relationship. 54% of the husbands stopped living with their wives. This indicates severe marital breakdown where more than half of husbands are physically and emotionally absent in the relationship after the second marriage. They are just not there. When a person is not around physically what can a woman do? She is then forced to manage her life and the lives of the children. She just does not have any choice.

28% spend less time with their first wife. It reflects partial breakdown, emotional neglect and reduced companionship. A couple in a marital relationship are suppose to be there for each other. There is no room for one more relationship. And if that happens the neglect begins. The time is divided and so is the attention. There is one more person who has an equal right over the husband’s time. The first wife did not bargain for this. Reduction in time spent also conveys that she is not important to him anymore.

25% reported increased fights between them. It suggests heightened conflict, insecurity and emotional strain. With husband not staying with the first wife or spending less time with her also indicates more friction and conflict. The increased fights impact her mental and physical health. It also must be impacting the husband’s mental and physical health but then it is of his own doing. Obviously, children are not spared. 20% of the husband neglected the children. It points to broader family impact, the husband’s divided attention affected parenting and children’s well-being. A child’s trajectory in life is highly influenced by its parent’s life. And the damage can be long lasting.

Wives Economic Dependency

First wives tend to face greater financial vulnerability after their husband’s second marriage. A large proportion, 40%, rely on their parents, and only 19% continue to receive maintenance from their husbands. About 34% were compelled to start working, indicating a shift toward economic self-reliance driven by necessity rather than choice. A small fraction (11%) depends on community aid from jamaat or masjid, underscoring a lack of formal support systems.

Second wives, on the other hand, are generally more financially supported by their husbands, 63.3% receive maintenance from them. Around 34.1% are employed, showing a similar participation in work as first wives but likely with more stability. Only 3.9% report having no source of maintenance, much lower than first wives.

Overall, the figures reveal that first wives experience a significant economic setback after polygamy, often becoming dependent or entering the workforce out of compulsion, while second wives tend to receive more consistent financial support from their husbands. This pattern points to an unequal distribution of resources and responsibilities between the two marriages.

Monthly Maintenance by the Husband  

The data shows that financial neglect is widespread among both first and second wives, but the burden falls more heavily on first wives. 40% of women (1,011 total) receive no maintenance at all, with first wives forming the majority (793). 23% say their husbands buy household items instead of giving cash — a form of control that limits women’s financial autonomy.

Only 32% receive regular cash maintenance, and within this group, most receive very small amounts: 5% below ₹2,000/month, 4% between ₹2,000–₹4,000 and only 6% receive more than ₹10,000/month. Second wives are more likely to receive moderate to higher levels of maintenance, while first wives dominate the “no maintenance” category.

The findings reflect deep economic inequality between first and second wives and show that a large proportion of women—especially first wives—lack consistent financial support, underscoring systemic neglect and dependence within polygamous marital arrangements.

Maintenance of Children  

Among the 1,419 first wives surveyed, nearly half (45%) reported that their husbands did not provide maintenance for their children after the second marriage. This data indicates that a substantial number of men discontinue financial responsibility toward children from their first marriage once they remarry. The lack of maintenance not only deepens the economic insecurity of the first wife but also affects the well-being and stability of the children, highlighting a critical gap in accountability and social support mechanisms for first families in polygamous contexts.

When wives do not receive maintenance from the husband for themselves or their children, the impact is often deep, long-lasting, and affects nearly every aspect of life. The consequences are not only economic, but also emotional, social, physical, and psychological.

A woman’s economic insecurity increases. She begins to struggle for basic needs like food, rent, medicines, school expenses, bills etc. Since husbands also stop living with their first wife [54%], she is forced to take up immediate work, borrow from family or sell or mortgage jewellery. The children shift to a cheaper school or drop out and join the work force at a tender age. The girls could be married off early and boys join the labour force. There could be a sudden drop in the economic status. It is worthwhile to remember that respondents in this study, when they got married, were economically, educationally and age wise already very vulnerable. Added to this vulnerability is this economic abandonment by the husband.  Women who were financially dependent on the husband may suddenly face extreme poverty.

Constant financial stress leads to anxiety, helplessness, vulnerability and extreme fear about the current and future situations. There is loss of dignity having to ask for money and facing probable humiliation and loss of face.

To tide over the financial crisis, women land up skipping meals, delay their medical treatment and focus on feeding the children and thus get reduced to a survival mode. She suddenly becomes the only source of sustenance for herself and the children. Every responsibility suddenly falls on her and she is not even prepared for it. Searching for work for which she is suited and skilled can be cumbersome along with taking care of self, family and especially children. Working suddenly may take her time away from social and family events. She may be forced to continue in an abusive marriage because she has no option. Whatever little she might get from her husband is all that she gets. She may also not be in a position to file police complaint or file a case in the court. This would require long term financial inputs which she being in a survival mode cannot afford. Lack of money is not just impacting her current financial status but creates intergenerational poverty from which generations might suffer.

It is truly sad how two families suffer generationally. 29% (312 women) said their husband abandoned them and went back to the first wife. Nearly one in three second wives report being abandoned by their husband, who returned to his first marriage. This indicates that second marriages often lack long-term stability and security for women. While most second wives (71%) continue in the relationship, a significant 29% experience abandonment—leaving them vulnerable both emotionally and economically, especially since many lack legal protection or consistent maintenance. The convenience is only of the husband here. Wherever and whenever he finds it convenient, he moves to that family. He has all the choices.