WOMEN’S EMPOWERMENT THROUGH A 5-POINT FORMULA

WOMEN’S EMPOWERMENT THROUGH A 5-POINT FORMULA

Lecture in GN College, Mumbai

7 March 2019

I will start by talking about my organization. BMMA is a national organization of Muslim women. We started this in 2007 with the objective of getting Muslim women together and challenging certain patriarchal forces, challenging certain practices, challenging traditions and creating space for women. Because our community is extremely economically, educationally and socially backward, extremely marginalized. In 2007 we wanted to create that space for Muslim women to emerge as leaders. Because the state should have done a lot for the citizens which it had not. Our community leaders, political leaders, religious leaders, they did not do much for the community. And we felt that as Muslim women we must take that leadership. Because the idea was not just to lead Muslim women but lead the community for better educational, economic opportunities and better standards of living and asserting ourselves as citizens of this country.  So we started in 2007 and in 12 years we have managed to create that space for women within the community. We wanted to challenge certain practices. If we don’t better ourselves nobody else will. Our slogan is also ‘jiski ladai us ki agwai’. It applies to my organization, it applies to me and it applies to all of us here. My issue, my leadership, my struggle. If I have a problem, I need to resolve it myself. They will not come to me if I don’t go to them. I will need to take initiative to solve my problem. 

You must be aware of the Hindu code bill, which applies to Hindus, Jains and Buddhists. The Christians and the Parsis also have their own family laws. But because of the kind of politics that had been played out during the freedom struggle and the partition thereafter, we don’t have a codified family law. As a result some very horrible practices continue in the community. Triple divorce is one of them. The man thinks it’s his privilege to terminate the marriage immediately. Then we have the practice of halala. Not just in India but even in other countries, in UK, there are websites which offer halala services. There is a practice of muta marriage, also understood as temporary marriage. 

These practices are pushed in the community in the name of religion because none of this is mentioned in the Quran. We felt that we need to understand our religion ourselves. We have been misinformed and misguided. I don’t need an expert to teach me my religion. I will do it myself. Why should I depend on some other person? We as Muslim women read it and realized that all that is happening has got no connection with religion. And that gave us a lot of strength to fight the patriarchal forces. And that gave us the strength to go right upto the Supreme Court [SC] to fight the practice of triple talaak. We will also be reaching out to the SC against polygamy. Why are we able to do it because we know our religion, we have the knowledge which does not depend on anybody else, on any authority or on any institutions which are patriarchal and regressive. 

The other strength is the rights enshrined in the constitution of the country. All those wonderful Articles in the Indian constitution, which ensures equality, justice, fraternity, and freedom to all, govern us all. All women and even men sitting here must get it imprinted today. We must speak up when equality, justice and freedom are violated. You have to raise your voice against it because it is your constitutional right. 

When we talk of religion we also need to go beyond a certain definition of religion, beyond certain boundaries which religion has given to us. Our creator is the same. Can my creator do injustice to me? Will Allah create a practice like halala? Will my creator call a woman equivalent to a cow? If I am created equal as a human being then nobody in this world has any right to treat me unequally. And that strength helps us counter. If I am created equally then nobody else can tell me how much I can study. Nobody can tell me whether I can go out of this room or not. None of their business. You cannot tell me that because I am a woman I can marry once and because I am a man I can marry 4 times. You have no business to tell me, let me talk to my creator directly. You cannot tell me that just because I am menstruating, I am impure. If I am impure, you are also impure. Why does menstruation happen, because our body is getting ready to procreate, so how can that process be impure? We need to know how menstruation happens. How many girls know how it happens. I am sure boys have no idea. The teacher who taught us in school was more embarrassed than us while teaching it.  Do you know that there are chavdisin Nepal where menstruating women are made to sit? Snake bites happen and they die and many horrible things happen to them. We need to challenge it within ourselves first. So we have taken up the constitution, challenging religious groups, connecting with our creator directly and constitutional values. 

There is a 4-point formula for women’s empowerment

1.   Education [padhai]. There has to be no doubt about this in anybody’s head about this. At least in the Muslim community girls are at least 10^thor 12^th. There was a time even that was not done. Nothing below PG. 

2.   Livelihood [kamai]. This is a strength, which all women must have. Apne haath me apna paisa hona chahiyewhich nobody else has a right to. Have your own money. 

3.   Self-confidence. We also know that a lot of women are educated, have a lot of money and yet they tolerate nonsense. Because we don’t have the inner strength to challenge patriarchy, injustice within our homes. To be able to open our mouth and say what the hell I am not listening to you. It is not easy because we have been trained to obey. Don’t speak loudly, don’t laugh loudly, seniors are always right, men are always right. It is ingrained so much; we are not able to open our mouths. Especially after marriage, our mouths are closed. We cannot speak before our husband, before our mother in law. You are a management graduate, want to do job, but you are told that daughter in law of our house, don’t work. You have to come home by 7. I am a hypnotherapist. I am handling a case, she was not allowed to work, and she was not expected to eat first, at the age of 40 she is down with high BP, migraine, arthritis. Mooh kholo, himmat rakho, baat karo. The first time somebody tells you nonsense, ask him or her to back off, it is not easy but you will have to do it. 

4.   To hell with you!! We have to learn to say that. This has worked with many women. Don’t take advantage of my goodness. Don’t mistake my goodness for my weakness.

5.   Be selfish. Think about yourself first. Nobody will do that for us. My time, my friends, my leisure activities. You don’t have to harm others to privilege yourself but think about yourself first. What is it that I want, what is there in this for me? What is this cooking for 10 people business, what is this cooking 10 dishes business? If I have done my management does it make sense to spend 3 hours in the kitchen? I will not do it. Before my marriage I told my husband I have three non-negotiables, one- I will not change my name, second- I am not changing my religion, not because I am very religious but because there is no need to. Lets exchange, if I become a Hindu, you become a Muslim. Either we change into each other’s religion or we remain what we are. And third –I will continue to work. And these three non-negotiable are what you will have to handle with your parents. And he fought for me. For all the guys out here, you have to fight for equality. For your own equality and for the equality of your spouse. How many men are able to open up their mouth before their father? That is patriarchy. Patriarchy harms everyone. Ask yourself, what conditions I am going to put before my husband. Women and not men will put conditions. In society who ever is not privileged will put conditions, not otherwise. For the men also, think about your non-negotiables with your own authority figures. Are you doing management because you wanted to? What is your passion, what drives you, what is it that you love to do? If management is your love then you are at the right place. But if it is not, then follow your passion.