INTO THE LIFE OF AN URBAN POOR MUSLIM WOMEN

INTO THE LIFE OF AN URBAN POOR MUSLIM WOMEN

Noorjehan Safia Niaz

Introduction

The Muslim women in India have been made to remain invisible, first by the Muslim community and then by the larger society. We know very little about the daily lives of the Muslim women who stay in urban slums. What do they do for a living, what is the kind of relationship they share within the family, what are their daily problems and concerns, how do they manage to lead a life of poverty and marginalization – all this remains hidden from our larger social consciousness. But contrary to the perceptions, the Muslim women are not only concerned about their status but are also taking initiatives to modify the situation in which they find themselves in. The last 2 decades have seen the emergence of Muslim women’s groups across the country.

One can see the development of Muslim women’s movement which finds its impetus in the new economic policies announced in the budget of 1991. The growth of communal forces coupled or rather given impetus by capitalist forces led to the complete political, social and economic marginalization of the Muslim community. A progressive liberal male leadership being absent the vacuum was filled in by women of all hues and classes to take matters in their own hand. The demolition of Babri masjid and the consequent communalization of the social fabric of the country and the insidious way in which the capitalist forces were unleashed paved way for Muslim women to raise their voices against not only its own conservative forces but also against the anti people and anti poor policies of the state.

The Muslim women in Gujrat, Maharashtra, Rajasthan, Uttar Pradesh, Tamil Nadu, Madhya Pradesh, and Karnataka had already taken a lead in organizing themselves. Tehreek in Uttar Pradesh, National Muslim Women’s Welfare Society in Rajasthan, Hukook-e-Niswan Mahila Sanghatan in Mumbai, Aman Samuday, Parwaaz, Niswaan in Gujrat, Institute for Minority Women in Madhya Pradesh, Samadhan Foundation in Karnataka, Wind-Trust in Tamil Nadu, Muslim Women’s Welfare Organization and BIRD Trust in Orissa. The most marginalized were taking the lead in impacting their own lives and the life of the community. The launch of the Bharatiya Muslim Mahila Andolan suggested the coming together of these scattered forces of Muslim women who since its launch has been galvanizing Muslim women’s leadership towards issues of development, justice and peace.

Mumbai which also witnessed a second phase of state violence against the Muslim community in January 1993 after the demolition of Babri Masjid saw the emergence of local community based groups like the Mahila Shakti Mandal, Samjhauta Mahila Mandal, Priyadarshini Mahila Mandal, Milan Group and others. Amongst many other issues, some of these community based groups engaged themselves in providing legal aid to the Muslim women. Women who faced domestic violence, women who were abandoned by their husbands, women who were orally divorced by their husbands or had remarried or women who were sexually abused, all thronged to these community based women’s groups with their legal concerns. These groups were women headed; were local and community-based, were managed by local poor women, were accessible and cheap and were there to help distressed women at odd hours. With time and experience some of these groups/mahila mandals now have turned into Muslim women’s Nyaya Panchayats and have acquired huge experience in providing legal aid to Muslim and non-Muslim women. These mandals as they call themselves are slum community based and are managed by women who are poor, illiterate, live in big families, are subjected to violence and control, and yet have managed to organize themselves to help other women. In their endeavours to support fellow women they have been supported by many organizations which took upon itself the responsibility to build up the capacities of these groups. The mandals mentioned here were supported by Anjuman-e-Islam and Women’s Research and Action Group for many years so that they can become better justice providers and can carry out their responsibilities systematically and consistently.

Profile of the Litigant

The women who come to the mandals for help are from all communities, but mainly Muslim women approach them for help. From amongst Muslim women also women from different regions of the country come for support. Women from different sects like Bohra, Khoja from Shia sect and Qureishis, Ansaris from the Sunni sect approach the mandals. The mandals may use different strategies to help a woman but their primary value is that she is a human being first and a woman. Her other identities come latter.

The experience of the mandals suggests that the number of litigants have increased. In Mahila Shakti Mandal [MSM] in Navpada community of Bandra east more than a 100 women register their cases every year. The Samjhauta Mahila Mandal [SMM] in Behrampada, Bandra east gets about 50-60 cases per year and the Humraaz Legal Cell [HLC] in Jeri Meri, Kurla gets about 300 cases per year. About 5-6 years back it would be around 70-80 per year. The nature of problems faced by women has also changed. Earlier the woman would come to the mandals after having tolerated the difficulties for at least 5-6 years. Only when it became unbearable would she take any action. She was also willing to adjust after initial attempts at reconciliation by the mandal. The issues are still the same. The house is small, income is meager, and there are fights and squabbles with the in-laws. She would then demand a separate house and would demand a mala or a portion of the house where she can manage her own family. The difference in the last one decade is that now the woman demands the same within a year of her marriage. The girl then goes back to the maternal home and would agree to come back only if a separate house is arranged for.

The capacity to adjust and tolerate has reduced. The men have not changed but the woman has. She is aware of what she wants and is not hesitant in asking for it. Unlike the past, now she also gets support from her parents who are by her side and negotiating on her behalf. The mandal activists explain this shift by saying that the size of the family is as big, the cost of living has gone up but the income levels are the same or in fact have reduced. People continue to stay in small homes with lack of privacy and space. There is a struggle within the family for meager resources. The son is still the earning member of the family and both the families vie for his income. There is just not enough money to stay comfortably. The probable cause could also be that the young girl with increased parental support wants to lead an independent family. Comparatively she is more educated than the previous generation and hence more aware of her rights and has the confidence to assert her individuality and independence.

The mandal gets cases from far off place like Nagpur, Delhi, Calcutta, Allahabad, Gulbarga. From the state of Maharashtra they get it from Malegoan, Bhiwandi, Thane, Nanded, Osmanabad. If the litigant is from Mumbai, then the mandal takes up the case but if she is from another district or state then the mandal takes the help of other organizations to support her.

Problems Faced by the Litigant

All kinds of marital problems are received by the mandals. But the main ones are domestic violence, lack of financial support from and harassment from the in-laws. They also get property matters. Over a period of time the number of cases has increased. All three mandals collectively receive close to 500 cases every year.

Domestic violence

Domestic violence is rampant. In this matter, the Muslim women are on par with her other counterparts. Out of the 28 women interviewed for this study, 16 have faced violence from their husband and in-laws which mean 57% of the respondents of this study have faced physical violence. Nafees had her hand smashed on the hard floor which made her bangles to break and cut her. Her husband beat her up with his belt the whole night by pushing her between the bed and the cupboard so that she could not escape his fury. Arwa was a convert to Islam. Her husband wanted to remarry and being a bohra, her jamaat required her husband to get his wife’s permission to remarry. To get that permission, he and his would-be second wife tortured her. They tried to kill her by giving her phenyl to drink. They would eat gutkha and spit on her. Her husband would hit her on her chest and hit the sole of his shoe on her head. They would have sex in front of her and her son for hours together. They would hit her and then force her to say that she has an affair with someone. But she refused as she knew they were trying to frame her so that they can get a divorce. He used to hit her on her private parts. He used to try to put belan in her vagina so that she could be accused of having an affair with someone. Both of them would raise the volume of the TV and hit her so that nobody could hear her. He would bang her head against the wall, against the edge of the paari, he used to make her run in the chawl with a katar in his hands. The whole chawl is witness to his violence. He used to hit his helmet on her head. He would not let her meet anyone; he would lock the door from outside and go. He would wait outside the toilet but never leave her alone.

They used to hit her son Abbas also. Her husband would show notes to him and ask him did anyone come in the house and give notes to his mother. He used to give her only Rs. 15/- per day for herself and her son. Her husband and the other women stayed with her for a year and harassed her. Then they took away everything from the house. There was no chadar in the house. Her son used to feel cold so she used to make him sleep on her chest but for how many days she could do that? So she borrowed a banner from the neighbour and slept on that. Then she started working. She got the work of cutting rubber. One man would give her hot rubber which had to be cut in pieces while it was still hot. Her husband would throw that away. Then she started doing embroidery work. The other woman would cut the pieces. All this while the mandal members were with her, to support her, in visiting the police station and the court.

Nazneen could not wear the clothes of her choice. Her daadi-saas told her that if she disobeyed her, she would be beaten up by her husband. While she was pregnant she was made to carry heavy pots of water up and down the house. She would not let her breast feed the child. When she went back after delivery, she used to hit the child whenever he would be breast fed. She wanted to separate the two when they would be sleeping. She would insist that the child be fed with tea in the bottle and not milk. She was not allowed to even use milk powder. The child was also beaten up with a belt when it would cry.

Akko was beaten up so badly that as she bled she left the house in Indore and came to Bombay without a ticket along with her 6 children. She was also sexually abused by her brother-in-law who also abused her daughter. Her husband very clearly told her that he wants her for sex and that he is not interested in maintaining her.

Right from the time of marriage Mehrunnisa faced violence from her husband. It has been 30 years now and she has been hit since the time she was 13. She never understood the reason for his violence. She also believed that some fault on her part has led him to beat her up. As she grew up she realized that what is happening to her is not right. He also demanded money from her although her parents were very poor and he had a good income. He wanted her old father to pay 2 lakhs so that he could start a shop for his sons. When she asked for an account of his money, he would hit her and warned her not to ask about his income. She never spent on her illness also. She has also faced violence from her sons. He has broken her ears, strangled her and banged her head against the wall. Her husband and MIL supported him. Even Naazma faced violence since the age of 13. She also found her sexual relationship with her husband very painful. Her husband and MIL were violent with her till she stayed with them. If the rice is burnt or if the salt is less, that would be good enough reason for the violence.

Shahnaz’s daughter faced violence since the second month of her pregnancy. He wanted a house, fifty thousand cash and other goodies. When her mother refused he became violent. At the time of her second pregnancy she was hit so badly that her kidneys got damaged and she had to be admitted to the hospital. All attempts at reconciliation by the mandal, by jamaat and other organizations failed and she got divorce with the help from the mandal.

Many women faced sexual violence which they felt embarrassed to report, though the mandal creates a comfortable environment for her to open up and discuss the intimate details which are the cause of her problems. When women insist that they just cannot adjust with the man, there are probably these hidden sexual reasons which should not be ignored or brushed aside. Parveen mentioned that she was scared of sex and of producing children. She was scared that the husband and family will come of know if she used any family planning method so she would avoid sex. And to avoid sex she would go away to her maternal family again and again. If a woman is not comfortable she will never disclose this angle in the mandal. Zarina’s husband only wanted sex and would insist on it whether day or night. He would send away his three children out and have sex, and then he would come back from work and have sex. If she refused he would fight. Since he had three children from his previous wife he did not want any child from Zarina. Nazneen was forced to have sex by her husband even when she had her periods.

Alcoholism, drug addiction and gambling

Violence is also linked to alcoholism. Hamida’s husband though handicapped would hit her when he would come home drunk. Salma’s husband was an alcoholic as well as a drug addict. His brothers were also the same and he would force Salma to sleep between his brothers. The entire family would gang up and hit her. She got support from her neighbour and reached the mandal for legal guidance. She was able to get divorce from him. Her second husband was also an alcoholic and even he did not support her financially. In fact he was unemployed and even snatched away her hard earned money which she had saved for her son’s education. He was violent with her as well as her son. He would hit him with a rickshaw wiper.

Shamima’s husband was also an alcoholic and would beat her up the whole night. He would also accuse her of having relationship with other man. The violence continued for 3 years. She was very scared of him and would even get scared of men who would resemble him. He had also sold away all her belongings and gambled away that money. Although he was skilled [he was an electrician, mason and a driver] he never worked. He earned close to Rs. 1000 per day but never gave her anything. He thought of women as lowly to be used and discarded. His violence increased after child birth. He wanted young women for sex. He was also demanding dowry and in spite of earning made her stay near a dust bin and never bothered to feed even his child. Her father told her not to tolerate his violence and so she approached the mandal for help.

Lack of support from husband

Men also do not live up to the promises. In one instance the man promised that he would put the child in an English medium school but refused to do it. They don’t care for the women nor do they care for the children. Hamida’s husband never supported her financially although she married him with her own money and he was a handicap. He was an electrician but never made any effort to earn money. He never had his own house although he promised to buy a house within 15 days of marriage. That never happened and she continues to stay with her mother. She does domestic work and earns about Rs.20/- per day. Arwa had to do odd jobs to support herself and her son as her husband who earned a handsome amount refused to support. He wanted to remarry and wanted her permission which she refused. To get that permission he stopped giving her maintenance. She did embroidery work and also cut hot rubber for survival. This indicates that maintenance is withdrawn to put pressure on her to succumb to his demands. Salma’s husband though gave maintenance for her and her children; he did not buy a house. All her married life, she stayed with her mother and he stayed in Dubai. He had a house in Gujrat but he made her stay in Bombay with her mother. At the end of 8 years of marriage, she did not have a house of her own. When she demanded that he stopped paying her maintenance and she had to start working in a call centre to support herself and her children. Naeema faced violence and lack of financial support for herself and her 3 children. On top of it he never let her work to support herself. He once broke her head and she was bleeding profusely. In such a state she came to the mandal. The members marched to her house and demanded an explanation from her husband. The mandal advised her that every time he hits her she should go to the police station and complain. After repeated warnings by the mandal, his violence stopped and he also did not stop her from working outside. But he does not maintain her. Similarly Safia was not given maintenance by the husband and at the same time he refused to let her work outside. Firdous’s maintenance stopped when her second child was also a girl. When she fell ill she was sent to her mother along with her 2 daughters with the promise that she will be given financial support. But no support came in after that. With support from mandal, Firdous is getting 1300/- per month from him.

Stress due to hostile environment

A woman is looked upon as free labour. When a woman goes into the house as a wife, the domestic help is done away with and all responsibility of running the house falls on her. There is also a lot of pressure to do things in a particular way, food has to be cooked in a particular style, it should be done in a short time frame. The food is rationed within family, whatever the MIL distributes that has to be eaten without asking for more. In the maternal family she is used to a particular lifestyle but that changes suddenly and too many restrictions are put on her. In a new set up she does not get support from her husband on whom she is dependent, physically and emotionally. Women are also made to go hungry. This is not just out of poverty but because of the control exerted by the marital family. Even the stale food is not kept so there is absolutely nothing to eat. Naazma went without food for 10 days. She did not even know that she was pregnant. When she was on the verge of death, she was taken to the hospital. She was made to abort her child and left at her mother’s house. Women go through a lot of stress because of this and suffer from many psychosomatic disorders. She feels guilty and her self-confidence gets affected. There are constant comparisons with other women in the family and that puts a lot of stress on her as she wants to constantly change herself to please others. A woman is always in a state of fear in the family. She is constantly getting the vibes of not being wanted or wanted only for her labour and the children. She is expected to be like a doll, wound her up and she will play your tune. She has no personality of her own, no likes and dislikes and no wishes and dreams. She should do what she is asked to and should not do what she has been forbidden. She should not go to her mother’s house, should not call her or her relatives. This is probably the reason for her demanding a separate household. In a nuclear family it is more probable that he will listen to her and not his family.

Rubina’s family found contradictory reasons to harass her. For 4 years after marriage she did not conceive a child. This irked her MIL who mentally harassed her. Her husband in this phase was very supportive of her and even when his mother insisted that he remarries, he refused. When she gave birth of a child, her MIL was happy but her husband refused to maintain her. Her husband also had an extra marital relationship after the child was born. Her MIL also refused to support her but was willing to support her son whether he is earning or not. For 2 years he was dependent on his mother. She would send Rubina back home and look after her son. She too worked as a domestic help. The problems went on 3-4 years. Her husband was not able to settle down and earn enough money. She started doing odd jobs. In five rupees she would make 1000 tobacco packets. To earn Rs. 20 she made 4000 packets. Then she made labels. For labels worth Rs.5 she would have to sit for 2-3 hours. She was spending more on her medicines and she was also feeding so the child was suffering because of her work with tobacco.

Shamim had no right over her husband. The couple was completely controlled by his brother and bhabhi. There were restrictions on food, where she was told that she eats more even if she ate only 1 ½ chapatti. His bhabhi also did not like it if she shared anything with her husband; she wanted Salma to confide in her only. Even when she wanted to talk to him she would be surrounded by the family who would sit around to listen to them. They were not able to talk to each other. If she bought medicines for her child she was objected to. She had to take permission to buy medicine for her child. Her husband never said anything in her support. He never objected if she hit her. His bhabhi hit her husband also.

The stress is not necessarily from the husband. Zarina and Rubina both sisters, faced a lot of discrimination within her maternal family. They were not educated and married off at an early age. They were told that girls have to listen to others. Even if the brother is younger to her she has to follow his instructions. When she came home after her divorce she was made to do all the work in the house. She would be constantly nagged about her divorced status and would be told that her sister’s marriage is in jeopardy because of her.

In one instance the mental and physical stress impacted the mental health of the woman. The mental stress led to physical symptoms, typically called psychosomatic problems. The women lost all the calcium from her body and started losing her hair. She also became mentally unstable and would run away from the house. The hospitals too are not equipped to understand the physical from the psychosomatic. In case of mentally unstable women, if she runs away from the house, she is at risk of sexual abuse and assault. In such cases a woman is extremely vulnerable. She allows the problem to grow because if she shares these problems immediately after marriage, both families and the larger society accuse her of not being able to adjust. Sometimes sheer adjustment into a big family combined with increased household responsibilities takes a toll on her mental health. If in this situation, she does not get in-laws who are sensitive, then she starts experiencing stress and anxiety. A woman thus demands that she would prefer to stay independently, away from the in laws as then there are higher possibilities of the man listening and respecting his wife. The men usually do not listen to their wives and are more under the influence of his own family. Men give threats to their wives that they would divorce her if she leaves him. This means that he can divorce her but she cannot and to refrain her from going away, he, in a twisted logic gives her the threat of leaving her. 

In some instances women are not able to adjust to a life after marriage especially if the man shifts to another village or another city. Parveen was not able to adjust to the village life where the toilet was far away, the water had to be filled from a far off place, the vessels had to be cleaned at one place and dried at some other place, there was no place to throw garbage. In such situations the man does not let the women speak to anyone in the mandal. They do not even allow her to speak on the phone. Man always makes efforts to take the women away from her support system. But when the woman is aware that somebody is behind her she gets empowered and gets the strength to face the man. Once Parveen’s husband was violent she told him that if he hits her again she will hit back at him and that too in front of everyone.

Remarriage by husband

Salma’s Firdous’s and Sabera’s husband’s had remarried and that was one of the reason for these litigants to approach the mandal for help. It was by chance that Salma’s mother and brother spotted her husband along with his new wife. Her husband also had a previous marriage which lasted for 7 years and he unilaterally divorced her by stating that he did not like her. Sabera’s husband had another family in the village and after his death; his second wife and his children were made to stay with Sabera. Firdous’s husband remarried because she gave birth to a girl child. When she fell ill with malaria, she was sent to her mother’s house. She spent two months there. When she made inquiries as to why he has not come to take her back, she came to know that he has already married a divorced woman. Naazma’s husband had an extra marital relationship with his own aunt. Rubina’s husband had multiple relationships with other women. When Rubina shifted to Mumbai and shared her room with her sister, he misbehaved with Rubina’s sister too and insisted that she marries him.

Inability to adjust

Mostly it is the daughter in laws that come to the mandal but there are also instances of mother in laws who have approached the mandal. There is an instance of a woman who had approached the mandal when her daughter in law filed a 498 A against her. She said her MIL had tortured her and had demanded dowry.

Other instances of problem include the inability of DIL to adjust with the family. One MIL complained that her DIL would insist on going back to her mother’s house every two months. For 6 months she would go to her mother’s house and would stay there for 2-3 months. This led to squabbles with her husband who would then be violent with her. There is also a new trend seen where young women are not willing to go to any extent to adjust in their marital family. They insist on setting up their own homes with their husbands. This is not acceptable to the mother who does not want her son to be separated from her as a son is looked up to as a support in old age.

Although all men are patriarchal, the mandal finds it a little difficult to deal with Muslim men. Begum apa says they are of a different kind. They would justify their harassment to their wives by blaming it on the community. ‘hamare mein aisa hi hota hai’. They do not listen to the mandal members and do not take them seriously. The mandal out of sheer helplessness have to take the help of the police. At such times Begum apa says tedhi ungli ka sahara lena padta hai. The Muslim men also justify their polygamous behaviour by blaming it on the religion. The inward looking temperament added to the larger insecurity and alienation faced by the Muslim community does impact the man’s relationship within the family. There is a general sense of being unaccountable to anyone. All institutions of law, religion, and family are irreverentially treated. The increasing influence of many conservative patriarchal religious groups which justify polygamy and oral, unilateral divorce also impact the minds of young Muslim boys who accept this social behavior as having sanction of the religion.

To conclude one can say that the tide is turning favourably within the Muslim community and Muslim women are playing a quiet but a very significant part. The other stakeholders in the society, be it the state or the civil society groups, must now play a more active role in addressing the concerns of the Muslim women and must lend their helping hand. A very significant role can be played by the media as so far they have not yet acknowledged the presence of the voices of Muslim women. The larger Muslim community, especially the Muslim male who is liberal and progressive must shed his inhibitions and support the cause of Muslim women. As far as the state is concerned it needs to adopt multipronged strategies to address the poor social status of the Muslim women. Education, gainful employment, better housing conditions, better awareness amongst women about their rights, a gender just Muslim personal law, better vigilance of the state institutions like the police in supporting Muslim women, increased civil society engagement with the Muslim youth are some of the measures required to be taken facilitate the Muslim women in her quest for a dignified life. 
[names changed to protect their identity]