PHYSICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL IMPACT OF POLYGAMY ON WOMEN

 

PHYSICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL IMPACT OF POLYGAMY ON WOMEN

Sometimes it would stand to help men understand why polygamy is a problem with women. The norms of formal equality can be applied while asking men: how would they feel and what would they think if their wife takes on another husband while still retaining him as her husband? We can ask them to set aside their male ego for a moment, although that would be so difficult for them, and choose to for a moment think and feel as a human being and know how it feels to have one’s wife have another husband. Add to this the simmering male ego which infused with patriarcy cannot accept any one partnering with his wife.

Let us also ask men: What does marriage mean to them? Sexual relationship and procreation? Satisfaction of sexual desires? Continuation of family lineage? Do men look at marital relationships as a means for self growth, as a means to life long or for as long as it lasts, camaraderie and friendship and companionship? Do they look at it as a healthy partnership of two equals? Does equality figure in the relationship at all or is it unquestionably hierarchical? Do they even think about the impact of their decision on the wife? Is she important enough for him? Hoping some men would speak up and share their thoughts on the above questions.

In the meanwhile, Muslim women have spoken up against the practice of polygamy. In a study done by BMMA released through Notion Press in December 2022, titled, 'Status of Women in Polygamous Marriage and Need for Legal Protection', Muslim women share their experiences when their husband took on another wife. Amongst the many findings, this article focusses on the impact of polygamy on the physical and emotional health of the wife. This has largely never been the focus of studies which delve on law reforms. There is so much emphasis on why legal protection is important that researchers forget that the subject of our research are human beings who think and feel. And how absense of law is not just a socio/legal issue but also a human issue, issue of a thinking, feeling individual. When husband remarries, maintenance, food, shelter are not her only concerns. She also takes that remarriage as an affront to her dignity and self-respect.

Respondents of the above study reported physical symptoms after the marriage of their husband. They said they remained sick all the time. Many reported constant headaches and pain in the eye due to stress. They felt giddy and weak all the time. Many experienced hypertention and kept falling ill with one or the other ailment. They lost interest in work, in their life, in all that is happening around them. They were not able to take good care of their children. They lost sleep for days on end. Inability to sleep, getting up late, missing work, missing children's school and continuing to feel heavy and listless through the day. One woman reported losing her colour and becoming a darker shade of herself. One developed brain tumour due to excessive thinking and another ulcers. Sometimes medicines worked but most times they did not. Women reported lose of appetite. Thus most women reported falling ill, feeling weak, loss of sleep and losing appetite and general loss of interest.

The survivors of polygamy underwent emotional upheavals and mental turbulence. One wanted to die, one wanted to commit suicide and another wanted to punish herself. One lost consciousness when she heard about her husband's second marriage. Thereafter there is constant worry affecting her physical and mental health. Another survivor says that when she heard about her husband's remarriage she could not believe it. She had trusted him completely and that trust was broken, shattering her completely, sending her in a state of shock and numbness. Women reported feelings of loss of confidence. They started to stay aloof. One victim said,' I was like a mad person'. Loss of self-esteem happens when she is blamed for her husband's remarriage. Not just family but even neighbours feel entitled to blame her for not being capable of keeping her husband to herself. Stress, loss of self-esteem, lots of self-pity leading to loss of hope, dreams and future.

Depression, loss of feelings, self-blame, self-pity, self-hate, anger, constant crying, silence and withdrawal, inability to face people, feeling cheated, feeling useless, stressed out, shocked and feelings of abandonment - women trying their best to name their emotional turmoil in these words. One victim said, ' I became very quiet and kept crying all the time'. Whenever he spent time with the second wife, that night she would spend crying. Another said, she would keep awake the whole night seething with anger and wanting to break his head. Women also stopped socialising. They stopped attending family functions, marriages etc. They could not face the relatives and neighbours. Many underwent severe stress, just not willing to accept the marriage of their husband. They never expected to be cheated and when it happened they just could not digest it. Anger and underlying sadness overtook them.

But women showed resilience and picked up their life after their initial shock. Many reported that they bounced back. This incident made them stronger. One woman reported, earlier her husband controlled her and did not even allow her to go out. After his cheating, she opposed his restriction. Earlier she lived in fear, believing in his innocence, but not anymore. Many regained their confidence believing that life needs to be led with dignity. One woman shared that after many years of remarriage, her husband came back to live with her, but she refused. For her, her self-respect was important. Many were lucky to get support from their maternal family to stand on their feet financially. One woman got a small piece of land, another got into stitching, another into domestic work, one got into catering work as her sister came forward to look after her son while she was away at work. Looking at the condition of the children, many women picked themselves up to become independent. They could not bear to see children crying. Becoming independent and busy in life also improved their physical health.

Let us look at the numbers now. Out of the 250 women interviewed in this study, 50%  of them said, they were depressed most of the time. They also reported insomnia [43%], frequent aches and pains [33%], not feeling good about themselves [33%], tendency to self-harm [43%].

Many continue to bear the brunt of their husband's remarriage in many different ways. Some continue to remain aloof and have shunned extended families and social engagements. Some are still seething in anger and resentment. One woman said,' I was poor and did not have a choice. I was helpless as I did not have money nor education'. In one instance, her children blamed her for allowing their father to marry another woman. Till this date, she continues to blame herself. Another woman says, 'my self-respect has got affected. I did not get the respect that I ought to have got from my husband. People look at me with pity and give me assurances.'

For many reasons, including the above, polygamy should not be allowed to exist.

https://notionpress.com/read/status-of-women-in-polygamous-marriages-and-need-for-legal-protection