PLEASE LET ME MARRY AFTER 18! Muslim Women and Age of Marriage

PLEASE LET ME MARRY AFTER 18!

Muslim Women and Age of Marriage

Dr. Noorjehan Safia Niaz

Muslim women in India are governed by their own personal laws and also by the law of the land. The law of the land has laid down 18 as the age of marriage for girls and 21 for boys. This law is applicable to all citizens of the country irrespective of their religion. The Muslim personal law has many versions. Widely accepted is the version which puts age of marriage at 15, some at 16 and some other versions bring it further down to onset of puberty.

In the last 6 years as part of the consultations on codification of Muslim family law, this question was put before many Muslim women’s groups; what should be the legal age of marriage of a Muslim boy and a Muslim girl? Overwhelmingly, illiterate to semi-literate Muslim women have endorsed strongly that the age of marriage should not be lower than 18/21. These women have in all probability not seen a school, have been married early themselves, mostly at the age of 13/14, earn little after working very hard and hence, these seemingly uneducated women do not want their daughters to have the same fate as theirs. In one such consultation in Bhopal one Muslim woman even went to the extent that even 18 is not good enough. By the time a girl finishes her graduation, which she should, she is 20/21, so common sense suggests that the age of marriage should not be lower than 21 for girls and 25 for boys. These endorsements and suggestions indicate that Muslim women know where her future lies and it shatters the myth of their ignorance and cocooned life. Not to say about the girls themselves. They are in no hurry to marry but aspire to educate and earn for their better future.

What dreams and aspirations do our girls have? Many inspite of their severe social handicaps want a more humane and dignified life. They want quality education and a safe and reliable source of livelihood. Their dreams are very ordinary but even those are beyond their reach, thanks to the community which refuses to see horizons beyond marriage and motherhood. Patriarchal notions do not encourage parents, especially fathers to see their daughter as an independent thinking entity. That she can also dream and aspire is beyond his understanding. He does not dream for her and so she does not know how to dream for herself. Her vision is limited to being a wife at 16-17 and a mother at 18 and that’s about it.

A section of the educated Muslim middle class actually endorses early marriage. In one of the consultations in Bangalore, a Muslim male practising lawyer asks, ‘what is wrong if a girl is married at the age of 13?’ In another consultation in Hyderabad, an educated, elite Muslim woman says if consent to sex is 16 years then why not consent to marriage? As if marriage is nothing but sexual relationship. Another one goes a step further and says age of marriage of boys should be brought down to 18. The most incongruous argument is of those who are ok with marriage at puberty. A girl who menstruates at the age of 9, 10, 11, 12 automatically qualifies for a married life! A young Mumbai-based graduate Muslim man of 23 years believes very strongly that the right age for girls to marry is 15-16 years. He firmly believes that a woman must marry early, bear and rear children, look after the family, wear good clothes, go shopping and generally lead a contended life. Another young Muslim man of 20 years, elitist and educated believes that woman need not earn a livelihood if her husband has a strong financial background, where is the need, he says. One always thought that a community is led by its educated and enlightened sections. It is a worrying phenomenon if this very educated section justifies early marriage.

In Islam marriage is a social, solemn contract based on mutual agreement, terms and conditions. The question to the above educated Muslims is: can a pubescent boy and girl enter into a contract which will determine their entire lives? Puberty does not even indicate physical maturity, let alone social, emotional and psychological. It is a worrying trend in cities like Hyderabad where a Muslim girl of 18 is too old for marriage. By the age of 20 her prospects of marriage are practically nil unless the parents pay a hefty dowry.

Poverty and patriarchy is keeping the Muslim girls out of the ambit of a better life. Where aspirations are there, the means are missing. Where means exist, the aspiration is absent. Where both exist, patriarchal notions and values play the spoilsport. Restrictions on mobility, restriction on education, a big no to earning livelihood, early marriage and hence early motherhood and all chances are, for all practical purposes, lost for this woman.

Is there a way out? Well, there better be a way out! There is a need for multi-pronged strategies. Parents play a crucial role in creating the urge to dream and aspire. Educational institutions and state too have a vital and fundamental role to play. To begin with the state must ensure good quality public education till class 12 atleast if not till graduation. This step in one stroke will take care of those who aspire but do not have the means.  For those who have the means, the aspiration/inspiration must be provided by the educational institutions. Muslim girls are terribly obsessed with doing B.Ed and D.Ed. Nothing wrong, except that there is a whole big world out there which is offering so much more. Institutions imparting formal education must open up this horizon for Muslim girls. They can also play a decisive role in diversifying the span of the parents and encouraging them to encourage their wards.

State must create conditions of security and safety. If woman do not feel safe in their localities, communities, railway bridges, skywalks, trains and buses, their mobility will automatically get affected along with their self-confidence. Effective implementation of laws, effective control over anti-social elements, cleaner and better civic infrastructure will go a long way in making daily life safer for girls. 

For long term legal and social solutions, the Muslim family law must be codified to legally bring age of Muslim girls to 18 years. In addition, registration of all marriages must be made mandatory. And in the end the young women themselves must shake off the severe limitations and take a bold step forward.